Friday, July 31, 2009

reversing roles

Well, I sit here in the hospital with my mother. I think back to the numerous times she sat with me. I have had two broken arms (same arm), a messed up wrist that required being in the ER, a wreck that was too close of a call, (she has always said, I talked God's ears off, so He decided He wasn't ready for me yet!), two knee surgeries (same knee), an ovarian cyst removed, a concussion, and 3 babies. WOW! I think I have frequent flyer miles or some reward system. She never complained, she was always there, she got a little mean at times, she made me eat, drink, walk, do whatever the Dr. says, sleep, rest, she motivated, she insisted, she was calm, and she didn't go home until I did.

Well, we don't know exactly what is wrong with her yet. Lots of tests are being done and we will keep testing until we figure it out. I have been up here as much as I can. With my girls that has been limited. I saw in her eyes she needed me here, so I ditched my children onto Laken (you are such a sweet, life saver and poor Daniel!) and I am here camping out. I have had to make her shower, eat, drink, sleep, rest, get up, motivate her, be quiet (not too easy for me!), and I have had to get mean with her. Boy, how time changes. I can tell she is dependent upon me. My dad is here and is trying so hard, but bless his heart, he is annoying her. I know so many times I was so glad Kirk was by my side, but when my mom got there; I knew things would be alright. I can sense that in her.

I don't know that I am ready for this. I am supposed to be dependent on her, I am still the child. No. No. My time has circled. I am now the adult. I am now making decisions. I am now looking out for her. It's not easy. I am truly saddened. Their are some passing of the batons I just didn't realize were already here nor was I ready to stick my hand out and receive it.

So, I am up typing in the peace and quiet, nothing but the sound of the fan, clock ticking and a small sound of a snore from a finally resting child. I occasionally lean over and take a peek to observe and then go on about my business. I won't sleep well, and I know I will be up several times through the night. I am the caretaker - and I shall play my part.

12 comments:

The Binkley Family said...

Hope things are better soon. Love the new blog look!

The Adams said...

I am sorry to hear your mom is sick but so glad you can be there with her. Keep us updated!

Brad and Amy said...

It is a strange twist of events, isn't it? I went through the same thing last fall when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Just know that God will be there to hold you up as he works on your mom. Keep us posted.

Love,
Amy

Jill said...

i, too, feel like i'm not ready to be the "grown up". it's amazing what we can do when we have to isn't it?
did they ever figure out what was going on with her?

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