Well, I sit here in the hospital with my mother. I think back to the numerous times she sat with me. I have had two broken arms (same arm), a messed up wrist that required being in the ER, a wreck that was too close of a call, (she has always said, I talked God's ears off, so He decided He wasn't ready for me yet!), two knee surgeries (same knee), an ovarian cyst removed, a concussion, and 3 babies. WOW! I think I have frequent flyer miles or some reward system. She never complained, she was always there, she got a little mean at times, she made me eat, drink, walk, do whatever the Dr. says, sleep, rest, she motivated, she insisted, she was calm, and she didn't go home until I did.
Well, we don't know exactly what is wrong with her yet. Lots of tests are being done and we will keep testing until we figure it out. I have been up here as much as I can. With my girls that has been limited. I saw in her eyes she needed me here, so I ditched my children onto Laken (you are such a sweet, life saver and poor Daniel!) and I am here camping out. I have had to make her shower, eat, drink, sleep, rest, get up, motivate her, be quiet (not too easy for me!), and I have had to get mean with her. Boy, how time changes. I can tell she is dependent upon me. My dad is here and is trying so hard, but bless his heart, he is annoying her. I know so many times I was so glad Kirk was by my side, but when my mom got there; I knew things would be alright. I can sense that in her.
I don't know that I am ready for this. I am supposed to be dependent on her, I am still the child. No. No. My time has circled. I am now the adult. I am now making decisions. I am now looking out for her. It's not easy. I am truly saddened. Their are some passing of the batons I just didn't realize were already here nor was I ready to stick my hand out and receive it.
So, I am up typing in the peace and quiet, nothing but the sound of the fan, clock ticking and a small sound of a snore from a finally resting child. I occasionally lean over and take a peek to observe and then go on about my business. I won't sleep well, and I know I will be up several times through the night. I am the caretaker - and I shall play my part.